First shot, I would say:
1. wait a couple seconds, then start talking.
2. About 7-9 seconds after you start talking, have a close-up of your face with the phone. (Close-ups are almost always a good thing. In my opinion. I love them in movies.)
I would just say, the music isn't the best choice. Just my opinion though.
My computer's dark, and I don't want to criticize the lighting because of that, but as for the lighting, I know you're shooting on-location, but the position of the lights could be better in shots.
When the one guy says "dammit", I didn't know why he said it. It might have been my dark screen...
The blood splatter was kind of forced.
Overall, it was pretty good. The ending was...weird. I dunno, I think you've done better though, but it definitely shows that you're learning.