Wow. The essay had a bunch of information crammed into it, but it lacked several things. First, you should always reread your essays just to make sure that they don't have any spelling or grammer issues... I spotted several with yours. Second, it didn't flow at all. You would jump from thing to thing, and at times it didn't make any sense... like when you talked about the Adult Swim show... we want to read about magic, not some stupid show on T.V. Try and correct all the errors, and give it a little more "flow" if you know what I mean. Also, I would suggest taking out all the crap that didn't have anything to do with magic... such as the Adult Swim show. Also, you yourself said you didn't consider juggling to be a form of magic, and yet you included it in your magic essay. Very informative, but it needs a lot of work.
ya it is for skool and this is my first draft, i have to do redo it 3 more times