View Cart | View Account | Help
Order by phone: 800-880-2592
Check out our favorite NEW ARRIVALS
Need it fast? Order before 4pm Eastern and your order ships SAME DAY.

All times are UTC - 5 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 28 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: THE MAGICIAN'S GUIDE TO GIRLS 2008
PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 1:52 pm 
Offline
Moderator

Joined: 17 Oct 2002
Posts: 3082
Location: New York
I'm excited to post this, although I doubt everyone (if anyone) will read it through it's entirety. I've posted this essay before, almost three years ago before I first started dating my current girlfriend of two years, but I'm re-posting it here, in "Essays," revisted, revamped, and revived. Not everyone will read it, of course, but hopefully those who are struggling piecing together their life as a magician with their love-life will find the advice useful. For anyone who would prefer read this as a PDF rather than a post, just PM me or email me and I'll send it your way. If you have any questions or disputes, just post them as replies.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Introduction & Induction

I’ve met many magicians who are fearless to perform in front of large groups, strangers on the subway, and birthday parties of restless children, but I’ve met few who carry the same confidence, boldness, and charisma in a performance for a single attractive girl. This presents a problem, both for the success of your love life and your art. Interacting with the opposite sex as a magician seems to present a destructive loop for many guys, spoiling their chances for attraction and reaction in a single stuttering moment of misery.

I’ve spent years as a magician and a lover, which in Jungian psychology represent the two right-brain archetypes for men. In these years I’ve studied my experiences, the experiences of others, and the wisdom of the ages to build durable fulfillment in both areas of my life. And in doing so, I’ve found a way to connect the two in a positive loop, in which they support and thrive on each other rather than presenting a mutual hindrance.

I have no official qualifications to write this report. I’ve had a girlfriend for almost two years, and a favorable history of dating before that, but I don’t have a BS (bulls***), MS (more s***), or PhD (piled higher and deeper) in any related field. I have paid careful attention to the trials and errors of my progress, and I’ll openly admit that my success with the opposite sex welled from years of awkwardness and confusion, which drove me to go out and learn. I’ve buried myself in outside sources, some more qualified than others in their respective areas, the best of which have included Stuart Wilde, Melvin Helitzer, David DeAngelo, Derren Brown and my girlfriend. The key point is that I learned.

Success with the opposite sex is a skill, just like success with magic. It’s a muscle that you can build over time, a terrain that demands knowledge, experience, access to good advice and mentors to travel. When presented with the fact that you had to learn before you could excel as a magician, your ego remained intact. After your first crash-and-burn performance, you realized that you had to learn something new, and you pursued the knowledge. Every success and failure you’ve ever had with a spectator can be treated as a lesson, and as a reminder that there are still plenty of lessons to be discovered.

But it’s different when we discuss such skills in the context of attraction, dating, sex and relationships. Guys will typically brag about their exploits or shy away from the topic entirely. The last thing we want to do is accept that we all have something to learn about the opposite sex, and the last thing we want to address is that there is a way to move beyond it. Why do we attach our egos to this skill-set and not at all to learning magic? Because the ego and our procreation are far more connected. Evolution started out with reptilian brain, which functionally represents the brain stem in our current operating system. The reptilian brain is only concerned with survival and reproduction, and the ego exists to protect and promote these prime objectives.

We’ve since evolved a mammalian brain, which holds all of our emotions, and our logical brain, which is the source of creativity and intellect. This is known as Paul MacClean’s Triune Brain Theory that we all have a physical (reptilian), emotional (mammalian), and mental (logical) mind. The interaction of the physical and logical yields science, the emotional and the physical yields art, and the logical and emotional yields psychology. The conflicting drives we experience in day-to-day life often reflect a conflict between two of the three.

I digress… When we learn a skill in the logical brain, like magic, it presents a challenge but not a threat to our survival and reproduction. But to address skills related to women and dating threatens our ego at the deepest level, and causes most guys to bug out and tune out. The fact that you’re reading this suggests some hope for your success in this area of life. Having cultivated my own understanding of the topic, what I’d like to do in this report is to start on the skill you’re comfortable with (magic), and re-integrate it into the possibilities for dating success.

In case you haven’t already noticed, this report is directed towards male magicians. I’m sorry I can’t enlighten any females or non-magicians, but hopefully this reaches enough of the former demographic to be useful. I also refuse to rehash the advice of main-stream relationship nonsense. I’ve made it about half-way through three of those books – all of which happened to be written by divorcees – and found them to be like a recently used wad of toilet paper from the self-help movement. As you’ve also probably noticed, I’m abandoning my usual politically correct decorum to address this rather unconventional topic. I don’t really care if I offend you; I only hope that I challenge you to seize success through this somewhat uncharted territory.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Ethics of Magic and Girls

The second thing I want to address are the pros and cons of intermingling what we might call “pick-up” with magic, both of which I consider to be performing arts. I’ve spoken with guys who want to rely completely on magic to attract a girl, as though it will do the work for them, like a magic pill. I’ve also heard guys who will never show magic to girls, believing it can only hurt the situation. Neither extreme makes much sense to me, both suggesting a major self-image issue: the former believes he isn’t good enough to attract girls with who he is, and the latter believes that his hobby isn’t cool enough to trigger attraction. Again, I think both extremes are unhealthy. The balance, as I’ll mention in a bit, is letting magic help you get the girl rather than letting it get the girl for you.

Because attracting girls (and for now, we will only be talking on the level of attraction) and presenting magic are both performing arts, both come with performance anxiety. The pressure doubles, and it can cripple both like two pieces of glass smashing into each other. But I propose a different perspective. Rather than seeing your skills in each of these arts as fragile pieces of glass, strengthen your skills until they are as tough as rope, and then weave them together, and use the pressure to your advantage and support. Again, I’ll return to this point in short order. First let me point out the biggest fallacy I see in every post about “how to get girls with magic.”

Guys often feel using magic to impress a girl is manipulative and wrong. Well, in the context of using magic for attraction, a kickass trick is about as wrong as a fancy hairdo and a short skirt. It’s an appealing visual that carries within it our personalities, conveying them in a most interesting and memorable way. If you want to meet the girl across the room, you can go up to her and say “Hi, what’s your name?” But she’s heard that 20 times tonight, and frankly, she has no reason to give you her name. If you’ve ever been rejected from such an approach, assign the blame to yourself. She’s not a Edited; she’s a Edited to you, because she doesn’t have time for a million-and-one boring conversations with lovable losers. She’s a Edited to you because it works.

Instead, if you approach her in a way that is different, unexpected, exciting, fun, non-presumptuous, and non-intrusive – like, say, magic – the entire frame of the interaction will be shifted. Have you manipulated her? It’s all a manipulation. Being kind to your waiter is a manipulation to prevent spit in your food. The waiter being kind to you is a manipulation to inspire a generous tip. Girls are not shy to manipulation, or they wouldn’t be taking notes from Cosmo about putting guys under their spell. It’s all a manipulation. Magic is simply a more effective (and enjoyable) manipulation than requesting the name of a pretty stranger without context.

I’ve also heard guys who think using magic to impress a girl is a belittlement of the art. In my understanding, the purpose of our art is the enjoyment of our spectators. Magic as a means of attracting a girl simply promotes that enjoyment and moves us closer to that purpose. Not only will her emotions be aroused by the excitement of a well-delivered illusion, but also by the sparks of sexual tension you’ll fire off in the interaction. Not only will you amplify the reactions you receive, but also the attraction that you trigger.

By now you may see the weaving rope scenario more clearly. Using magic to help you get girls is neither disrespectful to the girl or the art.

Now, even with the understanding that magic is a perfectly fine and ethical tool for any guy in attracting a girl (from which I’ll write the rest of this report), you must first be good at magic and good at attraction. Magic can only help you get the girl; it will never get the girl for you. If you think that by showing a girl the best trick you know is the magic bullet for attracting her, you are wrong, wrong, wrong. Girls will never ever be sexually attracted to a trick, no matter how amazing it is. Tricks aren’t sexy. Girls can, however, be attracted to a performance. Performances can be sexy.

Now that the words “sexual” and “sexy” are being thrown into the same sentences with “magic,” there’s one more notion I want to clear up before leaving the topic of ethics. There is a subset of magicians who believe in “sexy magic,” in which there are undertones, innuendos and, God help me, props that directly imply and convey the magician’s interest. This is creepiness and dorkiness rolled into cheesiness. You’ll not only spoil your chances for a date, but for any authentic enjoyment of the performance itself. Never ask for a number, a date, a naked photo, etc. through a magic trick. This goes back to the underlying principle that tricks are not attractive. Your performance will attract her, and you can build any further relations from that attraction – not from the magic.

In methodical terms, my method is this: Use the magic trick to open an interaction with a girl on non-sexual terms. Use your performance like a vehicle that conveys your personality – which is sexual and sexy – to trigger attraction. Finish your performance and then use the attraction to move the interaction forward, now on sexual terms (i.e. a number, a kiss, a date). This is possible. This is ethical. And this is enjoyable for both you and the girl. Let me explain how…

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How to kill your chances with girls, with magic
(a.k.a. The timeless themes of magician-lover frustration)


A magical performance will always cause one of the following three things: 1) Destroy or diminish attraction, 2) Create or amplify attraction, or 3) Do nothing to attraction. If you’re a guy who wants to attract a girl, and you want to use magic to help you do that (remember that it will never do it for you), it’s probably a good idea to figure out which performance traits result in each of the three things above.

Let’s examine what destroys or diminishes attraction, as well as some of the common misconceptions I’ve seen on discussion forums and heard in conversations about how girls will respond. You must understand that if you are performing for girls with the objective of impressing them or getting them to like you, they will know it immediately. It will slip through your body language, voice tone, and words, and there’s almost nothing that you can do about it. Just like you know when someone is pissed off at you, girls know when you are attracted to them. They will know that you are performing magic with the sole objective of getting their approval. This is insecure objective will destroy your chances.

When I start performing for a girl, I am not performing because I want her to like me (certainly now, but before I was in a relationship as well). I’m performing for the same reason I perform under any circumstances – to get a huge reaction that makes both of us feel good. I am performing in a way that is attractive, that conveys my personality as a sexual being, and I’m throwing in a few “techniques” I’ll share later that communicate the right things, but my primary goal when I start performing for a girl is reaction, reaction, reaction.

What happens when you replace your needy, insecure attempt to get approval with your natural attempt to get a reaction? It takes all the pressure off of you (no longer outcome-dependent), her (no longer contemplating how she will reject you and dying to get this pick-up attempt through with), and the situation (which can now be enjoyed as a performance in magic). So from now on, when you are performing for a girl, consciously stop caring whether or not she likes or approves of you, and treat her like you would any other spectator.

Along that vein of treating her equally, there comes into question the material you’re performing. If there is one question for which I could have a taser stun gun for each time I hear it, it might be: “What tricks should I perform to make a great impression on girls?” A rule of thumb: never streamline your repertoire for a girl, because if you do, you’ll probably screw it up. Only streamline your repertoire for reactions, because if all of your material is strong, you no longer need to ask the question. What tricks should you perform to make an impression? Any of them, because all of the tricks you do should make an impression.

Common answers to this question, all of which make my skin crawl (and the girl’s, I’m betting), include sponge bunnies, Cardtoon, floating rose, napkin roses, 20th century panties, etc. There is of course the DVD “Flirting with Magic,” dubbed as “the definitive guide to flirting in the 21st century,” as though millions of years of sexual evolution suddenly took a turn with Y2K, which features the irresistible rose production and highly unknown body language signals like the hair toss. Then we have Jay Sankey’s “Firestarters,” with 17 tricks (including “Kinky”) designed to get a girl to like you.

I don’t want to rip on too many products, because they might work in certain contexts. But I take issue with them on two counts. First, these effects are probably a lot less powerful than your best stuff, the stuff you’d show your friends, strangers, or a prospective employer. Second, they communicate like a flashing neon sign: “I am insecure, I like you, and I’m going to show you these for the sole purpose of getting you to like me, since you wouldn’t like me for who I am.” The funny thing is that such performing seducing dancing monkeys are putting up a persona that is probably more geeky than their genuine personalities.

These romantic gimmicks may be suited to a relationship, though I haven’t dared to try them in my own. They may be cute, and affectionate, and indeed tell you how to know if a girl likes you. But what good is cute and affectionate if she doesn’t like you in the first place? What good is knowing the signals of a girl who likes you, if you don’t know how to trigger her liking you in the first place? I’m not concerned with what a girl is doing to show that she likes me and is attracted to me; she can flip her hair all day for all I care. I’m far more concerned with what I am doing to be likable and attractive.

At the same time, we do this by conveying a likable and attractive personality, not by expending energy to “make” her like us, which is rather… impossible. In fact, when we try to make a girl like us, she responds as anyone does when they are being pressured to do something. Floating a rose is the ticket to failure if you want the girl to like you, because it shrouds the personality you’re trying to convey. It’s a blatant attempt to make her like you, which doesn’t work because girls aren’t attracted to tricks and works against you because it reveals your neediness and insecurity.

By performing a trick outside of all sexual context, you open the door to convey truly attractive traits that well from within rather than from a trick. In doing so you build up a tension that is palpable, a tension that melts like a snowball in edited if you have her kiss the deck in a Chicago Opener.

The reason I don’t stoop to the level of sponge bunnies brings up another misconception: In our idealized perception of girls as “sweethearts,” we often confuse them for children. Performing cute little tricks with a sponge bunny or a cartoon on a playing card says all the wrong things. It degrades your magic, makes you look desperate, and insults her intelligence. Consider the heart-throbs of Hollywood – Marlon Brando, James Dean, Matt Damon, Brad Pitt – and imagine them performing sponge bunnies. It’s laughable.

Don’t convey desperation, insecurity or neediness, don’t patronize the girl or insult her intelligence, and don’t streamline your repertoire to the illusion that girls enjoy a different kind of magic. Here’s one more factor for this discussion: Magicians are perceived by the lay community as nerds, geeks, losers. This is not necessarily true to your personality, but it is true as a stereotype, and it will do you no good to ignore it. Understand that you will have to work a bit harder to eliminate the dorky stereotype that has been tagged to your hobby than, say, that of a football player. Don’t buy into it, and don’t make a big deal of denying it; simply negate it by acting the part.

Magic can help you get the girl; it will never get the girl for you.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Defying the ultimate illusion: how magicians can be ladies men

I’ve been through some of the major “don’t-do’s,” now let’s talk about some of things you can do. Charging your performance with sexual tension is not about changing who you are, but it does change how you convey who you are. For instance, if you are a naturally humorous magician, you don’t have to be dead serious, but you should tone down the goofiness. You don’t have to stop telling jokes, but it would be wise to edit down the self-deprecation and start making fun of the girl instead (for reasons yet to be revealed).

Here’s something of a checklist to dictate all of your performances with girls. Follow these as guidelines, and adapt them to your style appropriately. In my opinion, these are relatively universal. Of course every girl is different, but the deepest level of sexual attraction in every girl is wired up in largely the same way.

1. Eliminate dorky magic.
2. Eliminate dorky one-liners or canned jokes.
3. Focus on being naturally funny, relaxed and upbeat, rather than relying on lines to convey these attributes (go to Toast Masters or Comedy Improv Acting if you have to get this handled).
4. Change the patter of those dorky effects that you “just can’t bear to let go of” so they at least feel a little more serious, mysterious, and magical.
5. Add some heavy, direct mentalism to your repertoire and weave it into your performances – even the visual ones. (For non-mentalists, get yourself a Radar Deck, the Breakthrough Card System, a Center Tear, and/or a Nail Writer just as an investment, if nothing else.

Let’s address your look. I don’t really care what your style is, but make sure you look good. Here’s a checklist for that:

1. The only place hair is good is on your head, and be sure to keep it nice, clean, and stylized to your liking.
2. Wear clothes that are in style, fit you well and look good on you. Lose the darn playing-card-necktie and pick up at least one nice, brand-name pair of jeans. If you don’t know what colors of clothing match, go to the tie section of your local department store and see what colors they use.
3. Take your best girl friend shopping with you and pick out with her a nice pair of shoes. Do not wear white socks. On numerous occasions I have seen girls reject guys on account of their shoes alone.
4. Get a nice watch, wash your hands throughout the day, and keep your nails trimmed not bitten.
5. Perfect personal hygiene. Shower daily. Brush and floss twice daily, and if your teeth are stained, buy some white-strips or pay the dentist to do it.
6. If you’re don’t know much about scents, go to the mall and have the girl at the perfume store pick two or three of the best kinds out for you. Spray them on your wrists. Then go through the mall and ask girls (who are the type you are interested in) to smell and tell you their favorite. Then perform magic and arrange a date. Wear a cologne above your shoulders (I recommend Calvin Klein or Marc Jacobs), a body spray down your torso (I recommend Old Spice), and a scented lotion on your hands (no preference).
7. Get in shape. You don’t have to look like the guy on the cover of Men’s Health, but it’s a huge obstacle to your success with girls (and your health) to carry a great big beer belly.

In my experience with both girls and magic, personality is far more important than looks. But to some degree, your look affects your personality and how people perceive you. This doesn’t mean going to the gym for five hours a day, hitting the tanning salon until you sizzle, or getting a professional makeover. All I suggest you do is take care of yourself until you are presentable and at least average looking – a level I think anyone can achieve. Once you’re there, you’ll have filled the tank, so to speak, for your personality to take care of the rest.

If you present yourself and your magic in a cool way, a way that while still fun and light-hearted commands respect, and you edit the attraction-killers from your performance, you will be neutral in her book. Not neutral in the general sense – she’ll probably perceive you as a cooler guy that’s more fun to hang around with than she thought – but neutral in the context of attraction. Neutral is great. Neutral is like the ice of a hockey rink after the zamboni has gone through. Your ready to skate to your fullest potential.

After you take care of your looks, and dissolve the stereotype of the geeky magician, the runway is clear for our ultimate objective: genuine mutual sexual attraction between you and your current spectator, future girlfriend. Let’s now move forward to the skills and techniques that enhance this key element that you can apply to your magical performances.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What everybody knows and nobody does: Attraction Factors

First, it’s only logical that magic would create attraction. From an intellectual perspective, the traits that women find attractive are built into a good performance: Confidence, charisma, sense of humor, mysteriousness, fearlessness. The problem arises when these “traits” are presented in the wrong way, combined with the aforementioned “attraction-killers.” Having addressed the process of reducing the killers, let’s now speak to amplifying the attractive traits that come built into magic.

Confidence: A recent study showed that women are more attracted to confidence than any other personality trait. And what’s so convenient for magicians is that a good magic performance is an automatic display of confidence. It shows your ability to express yourself and your interest (magic) in a way that holds not a trace of self-consciousness or doubt. And if you are confident in your abilities (which you better be) then you will radiate an air of confidence that girls can smell.

Pick up the book Silent Power by Stuart Wilde. It’s about 80 pages and you can read it in one sitting, but it will give you a great frame for the kind of confidence you want to present in a magical performance. Practice your tri cks to absolute mastery, until performing them is effortless. When you get a huge reaction, don’t react yourself. Step back, dribble the cards and give a sly smile. When you’re sitting, sit back into a slouch. When you’re standing, stand tall with your shoulders back (not over-exaggerated), with your chin parallel to the floor. Be almost too-comfortable and too-relaxed with the situation.

The only risky pitfall is arrogance, or blind confidence that ignores important feedback and thus leads to a fall. While you want to act relaxed and almost indifferent after an incredible effect, you don’t want to be too proud of yourself either. It’s only magic. If you present yourself in a way that communicates “I’m the greatest magician in the world, so don’t mess,” you’re going to look like an insecure jerk. I recommend cutting down on fancy manipulation, or any such thing that says, “Hey look at me!” rather than involving the spectator.

Charisma & Humor: On the list of attractive personality traits, sense of humor ranks at a close second. If used correctly, you can directly trigger attraction in a girl by humor alone. There are many kinds of humor that will get a laugh, but in my opinion, humor only gets attraction when it is embedded in your confident personality. If you convey that you are a high status alpha male, hopefully excusing the nerdy terminology, you will attract the opposite sex and there is almost nothing they can do about it. Girls are attracted to status as guys are to cleavage, and it takes about the same degree of time, analysis and choice to trigger. Status manifests itself as confidence, and confidence manifests as sexiness. All of this is explained by evolutionary psychology, and if you’d like to hear that tangent, read the next paragraph. If not, skip it.

{{At the deepest biological level, our purpose in life is to survive and reproduce, and all of our rational and irrational behavior can roughly be interpreted a survival strategy or a mating ritual. One of the prime objectives in life is to align with people who will assist us in survival and reproduction, and we have been naturally selected over millions of years to be the best at it to date. An attractive member of the opposite sex, for example, has higher survival-reproduction value to us than a bum on the street. But value is different for men and women. Women carry high reproductive value, because eggs (relative to sperm) are incredibly rare, and fertility has a time limit. Men carry high survival value, as our utilities include physical strength and a drive toward competition and leadership. Men seek to align themselves with women of high value to their reproduction, meaning health indicators like long-hair and fertility indicators like an hour-glass figure and, yes, cleavage. Women seek to align themselves with men of high value to their survival, which, when these circuits evolved, meant the tribal leader, or the man with the highest status. This is the briefest explanation I can give to why confidence is so attractive to women.}}

So we want to build our confidence to trigger attraction. What humor allows us to do is expand it beyond what we’d ever be able to do with a serious attitude. Humor embedded in confidence, or confidence embedded in humor, is like a magic bullet for attraction. Simply put, if you make fun of a beautiful girl in a way that makes her laugh, she will be attracted to you.

Say you are showing her Two Card Monte to a beautiful blonde-bombshell. When you ask her which queen is on top and she pauses for just a second, you say, “Ohhh god we have a blonde…” This can be juiced up as much as you want, as long as you have the skills to do so. For example, you could then turn to her perhaps-less-attractive brunette friend to say, “Can you help her out, I’ve got stuff I’ve got to do.” Confidence and humor are incredibly effective when mixed 50/50, but if you fail to meet this balance, you run the risk of ruining your entire interaction. Don’t make fun of a girl without it being funny, and don’t be funny without poking fun (as a rule of thumb).

If humor is a challenge for you, go buy Comedy Writing Secrets by Melvin Helitzer. If you’re not funny now, this book will make you fun ny. If you are funny now, this book will make you funnier. I’ve read a couple of humor books but most of them are basically BS. This is the real deal, teaching you the structure of humor, why people laugh, and different techniques. Instead of giving you one-liners, this book applies the formula – so you can be naturally funny without the canned script. This is the single best thing you can do to get more laughs in a magical performance. But beware: Being funny is very, very powerful, but only when you understand how to be funny.

If you’re using one-liners now, it’s time for you to give them up or reduce them dramatically. You will get a few laughs, but they are only laughs to fill the awkward silence. Take my word for it – canned patter is not funny. There is a reason that these lines are called gags. But, you may ask, when one-liners are removed, what remains to get a laugh? Well, that calls upon your personality, which is, again, the essential you that we are using to trigger attraction in the first place. If you become a naturally funny person, you’ll get laughs without having to fall on the crutches of one-liners.

Mystery: While conveying confidence and humor throughout your performance, which will visibly amplify the attraction as you go along, integrate a bit of mysterious to charge the sexual tension even further. This may seem most automatic in magic, but it’s not as easy as it sounds. This requires that you send mixed signals in your presentation to keep them guessing what is going on… Is he using sleight of hand? Could he possibly be reading my mind? No, couldn’t be, he must be reading my eyes. But I’m keeping a straight face. Is he using sleight of hand? No, he must be reading my mind. No, wait…

A performance that draws this kind of dance with a spectator’s emotions is seductive in both a sexual and non-sexual way. If you can keep her guessing and trying to figure you out, you will produce an air of mysteriousness that is wonderful for attraction. Then you can layer over that the ambiguity of your intentions. If you are confident, funny and mysterious, the two of you will be flirting without any effort – that’s right; definitive flirting for the 21st century. A girl knows when she’s flirting (yes, she will toss her hair), and falls in love with not knowing what the implications and outcome of her flirtation will be. This re-iterates the value of never performing magic like the floating rose, which conveys your interest before even giving her a chance to be interested, turning mystery and sexual tension into predictability and boredom.

Whether you are a mentalist or a “regular” magician, I recommend weaving mentalism through visual effects. Derren Brown is a master of this, and is, by no coincidence, a master of bringing seduction into performance. In his book Pure Effect, check out the Three Card Routine. It starts with the visual change of one card into another into another. The routine then transcends into mentalism, then the three card monte, and back into mentalism. This mix of mentalism and visual magic contains within it the formula for mysteriousness.

Please, whatever you do, don’t consciously try to be mysterious with weird hand gestures or by speaking in a super-low voice. You will either come across as a freakshow or a fool – neither will impress her.

Fearlessness: It’s been proven time and time again, both by Hollywood and real life – women are attracted to bad-boys. For guys that are more interested in playing cards than motorcycles (yours truly, man) this presents a problem. Fortunately, you can add subtle things to your communication that convey fearlessness, and you can do these in performance. Girls are attracted to guys who are not intimidated by them. Ironically, beautiful girls can be the most intimidating thing any Average Joe will come across. So the single best thing you can do to display fearlessness in performance is show utter fearlessness of her.

This starts with your approach. If you learn to become great at approaching people (perhaps mastering the techniques in my Public Approach essay), you can effectively convey all of these traits – confidence, humor, mystery and fearlessness – in a matter of seconds. By approaching a girl with magic, you convey fearlessness, unless you go in needy for her attention. As I’ve stressed, don’t make “her liking you” your primary objective. Don’t make her approval an objective at all. Your primary objective when performing for a girl stands as it would for any other spectator – reactions. Like I said, if all you forget about phone numbers and email addresses and dates – or at least put these goals to the side – you take the pressure off both her and you and you will be less likely to act intimidating.

The other “fearless” communication you can use is confident humor (poking fun at the girl). This is yet another reason why that works. It’s very difficult to bust a girl’s balls while afraid of her… and it’s very difficult to be afraid of a girl if you’re busting her balls. On top of this communication, be casually comfortable with eye contact and physical contact. Avoid stalker-stares, and stay far clear of her R- and X-rated zones (for now 8)).

The fearlessness it requires to look right into her eye as you talk to her, without flinching at all, and never being the one to break eye contact first, will send chills down her spine. The more beautiful the girl, the more difficult this will be until you practice. How do you practice? Start from afar. As you go through your day, and as you make eye contact with girls, practice holding the eye contact until she looks away. Push through the discomfort until it’s comfortable. Once you get that down, practice holding eye contact from afar, and then walking up to her and starting a conversation. From there, practice holding eye contact as you talk to her and perform for her.

Touching the girl during a performance accomplishes many aims. First, it awakens her kinesthetic mind. You can notice that things you don’t touch aren’t really real to your mind. In interactions with people, notice that you the more touching that occurs, the more comfort follows. I’m not talking about dates too much, but the reason that guys have so much trouble with the “first kiss” is because it’s built up to be a “first kiss.” It’s a leap from sitting across a table without any touching to kissing on the lips. You can alleviate all issues along this vein simply by touching the girl throughout your date, from hand play to cheek brushes and hair-play to smelling.

It all starts with the first interaction, and magic is a gateway to touching. Returning to the Two Card Monte example, when you tell her to make her fingers into a pinch position, gently take her hand and move it up or down as though you want the perfect position. Make her pinky swear that she won’t cheat by peaking. Flick her on the shoulder if she gives you a hard time. Touch her shoulder when you ask her, “Which card is on top?” and give her a light shove when you make fun of her for being too blonde. High five her when she guesses wrong. All of these subtle touches will awaken her kinesthetic mind, make her feel more comfortable with you, and amplify the attraction by communicating total fearlessness in her presence.

In fearlessness, there is less room for error than in our other so-called “Attraction Factors.” The key is simply to have good judgment and calibration (common sense) with these techniques. Pay attention to feedback and tone it down if you’re coming on too strong. They only backfire when you go overboard.

Passion & Social Proof: There are two other factors I’ll mention briefly, as they come from the magic performance itself rather than your personality. The first is passion. All girls are attracted to passion, an unwavering commitment and driving enthusiasm for something that rings true to who you are. Throughout the book, I’ve emphasized the importance of performing magic with passion. Doing so will not only have a great impact on the reactions you receive, but automatically to the attraction that you generate in the performance.

The other factor is social proof. This is, again, connected to value and status. You elevate your perceived social status when you’re receiving attention from other guys and especially girls in the interaction.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Factors and fallacies

There are plenty of other factors that can trigger attraction between you and the opposite sex (looks, wealth, power, fame), but these factors are largely out of your immediate control. The good news for our side of the species is that, while these factors do exist and are attractive, personality is the biggest make-or-break, and personality is totally under our control. On the same thread, these four personality traits are not the only ones that will trigger attraction, but they are also the most significant.

You might be thinking: “Just be yourself. If she doesn’t like you for who you are, you don’t want to be with her anyway.” Here’s my response:
I think finding your identity and really sticking to it is a very healthy way to go through life, but your personality changes as rapidly and the conditions that define it. Changing your personality for the better is simply self-improvement, and there’s nothing ethically or morally wrong about it. Your behavior also fluctuates on a dime – you behave differently at a job interview than you would at a party, differently around your loved ones than you do around strangers.

Confidence, charisma, humor, mystery and fearlessness are parts of your personality worth developing within your identity, just as you’d build your muscles within your body. Losing dorky, cutesy, sappy tricks and canned one-liners doesn’t change who you are. It merely refines who you are conveying. The factors of attraction that I propose within this report are already parts in any performance of magic. Think of them as round holes, into which you can plug the corresponding pegs of your personality. The more holes you fill, the more your performance will convey all the right things to attract the girl you’re performing for.

Every performance is an expression of you and your personality. All I suggest is that you use your performance to highlight and convey the more attractive parts of your personality. Be yourself, but present that self in the most attractive manner possible.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How to get a girlfriend

If you focus on reactions more than attraction, while highlighting within your performance the sexual and sexy sides of your personality, the attraction will follow naturally, not in a way that is forced, manipulated or contrived. This is easier than you think. Unlike what the DVDs want you to believe (to sell their products), you need to expend very little effort to pull a girl under your spell. You’ll know when you know. You don’t need to look for signals like the hair toss, although they will be there anyway. If you are confident, funny, mysterious, and fearless, you’re flirting and she’s enjoying every minute of it.

Once you get your reaction however, and consequently the attraction, you eventually need to advance to the next level should you want to ask her out. You could always just hand her a slip of paper and say, “Write down your number there babe.” If she’s attracted to you, she’ll give it to you. But if you’d like to be a little more original, here are some techniques to help you out:

-- Have a card selected and ask her to sign it. Then, almost as an afterthought, say, “You know what, put your phone number down there too –” pause a beat “– confirmation purposes.” This will get a laugh, but it will also get you a number. Again, this and any of these techniques are for the finale of your routine, after you’ve created reactions and attraction.

-- Heavy mentalism, cold reading, palm reading – any of these psychic techniques that will stun her. Do them, do them well, and then look at your watch and say, “I’m sorry I’ve got to go.” 90% of the time, she will say, “Waaaait, how could you do that?” Look at your watch again, cringe a little bit, and say, “I’ve really got to go, do you have email?” It’s that simple.

-- This may feel a little stalkerish, but it really is just innocent fun. Check her number in the telephone book. Then present the mentalism effect. Tell her to think of a random set of numbers, “actually, use your telephone number. Here, stand right here, look at me…” struggle and ask for the first number, just to satisfy the Too-Perfect principle. Say she say’s 5. “Wait, stop! I’ve got it… 5… 564?” She’ll nod, though it’s not that impressive to know the first three numbers of a phone number in your area. “Next number… next number, 1. No, no 2.” Here she’ll get excited. “It’s high… 9? Yep, 9. Um….34?” When she gasps, quickly say, “564-2934?” Then pretend to be out of breath. If she reacts positively, give her a sly smile and say, “I’ll call ya.”

If you’re going to do this, make sure that 1) the rest of your act is based mostly on mentalism, 2) she has at least some belief in the possibility of your abilities, and 3) you play it as slowly and realistically as possible. And by the way, if you feel like a bit guilty or stalker-like, do the same effect for one of your guy friends first. If you’re lucky she’ll jump at the chance for you to read her mind as well. And, after you say, “I’ll call ya,” to ease the tension, you can turn to your guy friend and say, “I’m not calling you.”

Yes, getting a phone number or email address can be achieved smoothly through magic. Or, sometimes, not… Picture this: You take an Ace of Hearts and performed Torched and Restored, ripping the card in half, lighting it on fire and then restoring it all together. Follow this up with a line of patter such as… “You see, any flame can restore a broken heart, but you’ll never have to worry about my breaking yours anyway. Do you have email?” Sadly I have seen a similar procedure live, right in front of my face. I’ve seen many guys on discussion forums – virgins who are basically set on that track for life – recommend similar procedures to the poor guys who are asking for advice. Here’s mine:

Don’t ever do any of this stupid crap – ever, ever, ever.

Again, my rule of thumb (that is about as contrary to the normal advice as it is more accurate) is to avoid hearts, roses, or the color red when you’re using it to attract girls. Rest assured, you will creep them out and slot yourself into the “just friends” zone. Remember that tricks never trigger attraction, and the attempt to do so comes off insecure, needy and desperate.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

…And how to keep her

Having been in a fulfilling relationship for almost two years, I can comment briefly on how magic can keep a relationship together. Obviously, a two year relationship is far bigger in scale than a two hour date with a girl, and a single magic performance won’t pull everything together. But the same principles apply. Confidence, charisma, humor, mystery, and fearlessness will always keep her interested, whether you’re just meeting or have known each other forever.

Don’t make the mistake of letting the line go slack just because “you have her.” You will lose her, guaranteed, if you lose attraction. At best, she’ll break up with you, but it’s just as likely that she’ll cheat. Don’t be angry if this happens. No girl has ever left her guy for another; guys give their girls away by not living up to the character they advertised when they met.

In this way, magic will always be there for you to convey these traits in a fun and exciting way. I’ve been in small quarrels with my girl plenty of times, and have often used a trick to flip the script. You can literally short-circuit her negative emotions by filling her with the positive emotions instilled by great magic. This is your gift, and it’s an invaluable gift to give in your intimate relationships.

In a relationship, it’s okay to be a bit cute with your magic, because the mutual friendship and attraction and perhaps love prevents any perception of creepiness. Cheesiness, on the other hand, is still on the table, so don’t overdo it. If you must perform with hearts, roses and the color red, please wait until the fifth date or you will risk the creep-threshold.

Don’t let the magic get old or redundant. As a general rule, only perform when she asks you to, and I usually make her ask twice at that. Alternatively, limit yourself to one trick per date, and make sure it’s off the cuff (ala something with a sugar packet at a restaurant). If you’re performing all the time, you’ll wear the impact of these “attraction factors” down, and ultimately start to bother her. This is the last association you want with your magic.

If you’re being courteous about your magic and she still disapproves (or asks you to stop), end the relationship. I am not saying that magic is more important than your girlfriend. I am saying that a girlfriend who can’t appreciate you for who you are is not worth the time or energy. There are too many girls out there who enjoy your interests for you to spend more than a minute with one who doesn’t. Stay passionate about your art, and let that passion overflow into your intimacy. This is how magic can help hold your relationship together; the weaving rope analogy on a higher level. Keep laughing, keep loving, keep the girl and keep the magic alive.

-- Dan Skahen 8)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 2:49 pm 
User avatar
Offline
born to perform.

Joined: 29 Jun 2006
Posts: 1182
Location: Missouri, USA
Well..first of all I would like to thank you for writing that essay. I read it all and I am afraid others might not have the patience. You have a lot of good pointers on how to attract women in general. But, in my opinion using magic to attract women is still hokey. If you are doing a show for other people and a lady spectator finds you attractive..you're in. On the other hand if you are in a bar and you decide to show her your best sandwich effect. That will probably not work. Why? You are still a stranger to her. A weird one at that because she will be thinking "wow, I can't believe how desperate this guy is for attention."


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 2:59 pm 
Offline
Moderator

Joined: 17 Oct 2002
Posts: 3082
Location: New York
DVLKCC wrote:
Well..first of all I would like to thank you for writing that essay. I read it all and I am afraid others might not have the patience. You have a lot of good pointers on how to attract women in general. But, in my opinion using magic to attract women is still hokey. If you are doing a show for other people and a lady spectator finds you attractive..you're in. On the other hand if you are in a bar and you decide to show her your best sandwich effect. That will probably not work. Why? You are still a stranger to her. A weird one at that because she will be thinking "wow, I can't believe how desperate this guy is for attention."


The key is that you do not convey this desperation, and instead project a kind of indifference through your communication.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 8:47 pm 
User avatar
Offline
Penguin

Joined: 22 Dec 2007
Posts: 86
Location: Raccoon City
I find this hysterical and helpful at the same time.

Skateboarding and singing in a band (although that doesnt make me cool) I already do 90% of these things.

I'm actually gonna go ahead and add a hint that I don't think I caught in there:

Have a few other hobbies besides magic. Like music, drawing, something else you can build a reputation for BESIDES just magic, so it doesn't seem obsessive.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jan 01, 2008 10:38 pm 
User avatar
Offline
Emperor Penguin

Joined: 03 Dec 2006
Posts: 7922
Location: Parkville, MO
I really enjoyed this essay. I may get some use out of it, I may not, but it was fun to read no matter what. Thanks!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2008 2:10 am 
Offline
Penguin

Joined: 06 Jan 2005
Posts: 476
Location: In some sweet limo, with a hot girl *wakes up and cries*
*EDIT*I was being a jerk, I'm sorry. I was wrong. Please forgive me.

-Trix


Last edited by mmroczka on Fri Dec 26, 2008 1:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2008 11:48 am 
Offline
Moderator

Joined: 17 Oct 2002
Posts: 3082
Location: New York
Wow, a little harsh mmroczka. Of course you're entitled to your opinions, but let me give a quick response so you can form them most accurately.

I too am a Christian, but I'll admit to the fact that I follow the teaching and philosophy of Jesus more than I buy into the dogmatic dictation and shady science of the Old Testament. I won't get too deeply into a discussion of religion here, as we all know you can't change a religious person's mind, but isn't Christianity about supporting and loving and serving your fellow men and women? I feel that my essay rings truer to the Christian spirit than your response.

Now as far as my qualifications, I state them clearly at the beginning of the essay... I tell you that I have none, but what I do have is a deeply rooted interest in human psychology, communication and sexuality, which I have explored and studied diligently, if informally, for years. I wrote this essay as I feel I have something to bring to the table, for people who are interested in dating. It's OK that you aren't, but realize then that this essay isn't quite written for you.

My own belief is that we can like girls and date them, both of which enhance each other and bring us deeper into the human experience. Imagine if your liking of the girl at church was mutual, something you could share, in THIS moment, regardless of the future. You may not think it's a beautiful thing... but how do you really know?

You would know even less about my relationship with my girlfriend, so I appreciate you asking. She means a great deal to me, and I love her for everything she is and does. I also like her cleavage! And what good would I do anyone to deny that? I'd still go on liking it, just as I'd still go on loving her if I denied that. You see... I've come to a really great stage in my life when I can have a crush on my own girlfriend, while I'm still deeply in love with her.

On your one last below-the-belt point, I am a TOTAL nerd. Thank you for pointing it out. This goes back to the whole not-denying-what-is-already-true bit. But that's okay as far as women, dating and relationships go, because I've also built my personality as a strong and attractive man to the opposite sex. I'm working on all levels, you might say, or in evolutionary terms ( :lol: ), I have a full capacity within each of my reptilian mammalian, and higher brain functions.

I'm actually writing fiction now, and have no plans on writing a book about pick-up, but I wouldn't be ashamed if I did. The reason is that, whether or not I have to be a nerd to access the knowledge, wisdom and experience, this knowledge, wisdom and experience helps guys form relationships. And intimate, loving relationships are truly one of the greatest gifts alotted to us by God.

Anyway, no sense in turning this legitimate discussion into a flame war, and getting a perfectly good topic locked. I'll respond to any of your further replies by PM. I'd like to think that I wrote out this somewhat long-winded reply not only to help you form a good, objective opinion, but also to serve any others who might share similar doubts.

It's 2008!!!

-- Dan Skahen 8)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2008 12:04 pm 
Offline
Penguin

Joined: 06 Jan 2005
Posts: 476
Location: In some sweet limo, with a hot girl *wakes up and cries*
I will talk withe you more via pm. And yes, I would hate for this topic to get locked too, seeing as it is a good essay, although I just don't agree with certain bits and pieces...

Check you pm box in a little while,

-Trix


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 04, 2008 2:40 am 
User avatar
Offline
born to perform.

Joined: 29 Jun 2006
Posts: 1182
Location: Missouri, USA
mmroczka, can you please keep your bible and your religious views off this forum? A time and a place for everything my religious friend... time and a place. If you want to convert someone join the LDS church or Jehovah's Witness. :roll:


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jan 06, 2008 5:07 pm 
User avatar
Offline
Penguin

Joined: 02 Sep 2007
Posts: 54
Yeah, what he said! :)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jan 06, 2008 6:22 pm 
Offline
Penguin

Joined: 06 Jan 2005
Posts: 476
Location: In some sweet limo, with a hot girl *wakes up and cries*
I've got 2 words for you dude.

Free Country.

-Trix


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jan 06, 2008 10:46 pm 
User avatar
Offline
Moderator

Joined: 24 Jan 2003
Posts: 4110
Location: Milford OH
mmroczka wrote:
I've got 2 words for you dude.

Free Country.

-Trix


Yes, we not only have freedom OF religion, but also the right to have freedom FROM religion. End of that subject. The essay is EXCELLENT! Well thought out and very well written. What I liked about it was the lack of any moral judgement, just stating facts and what reactions a male can expect when he tries to use our art to hurt others.

As a full time performer, and not a young one either, I am in my 60s, I am amazed at some women who actually ask me out on a date after my shows. Especially if I am on the road doing a show tour. The same rules should apply even in that situation. Do I want to involve myself and complicate my life for one lousy night with a strange woman? Do I want to worry about my family finding out about some liaison I might have?

My personal decision, and mine alone, is no, I will avoid any situation that even appears to be improper.

Just my opinion.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jan 07, 2008 12:35 am 
Offline
Moderator

Joined: 17 Oct 2002
Posts: 3082
Location: New York
Thanks for the reply paddy, I really appreciate it and I'm glad a man with the years to back up his experience agrees. And as far as mmroczka's comment, we've continued our quite stimulating conversation privately. It really warrants no further discussion, nor did it ever warrant personal attack. I'm glad this essay was useful. 8)

-- Dan Skahen


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 10:43 pm 
Offline
Penguin

Joined: 22 Apr 2006
Posts: 225
This is a very well written article. Just some things to remember:

1.) Attraction is not a choice (as made famous by David DeAngelo). If you do something to have a female feel attracted to you, there is almost nothing she can do.

2.) Magic makes great props for around the house, leave some things sitting out and just wait for her to say, "What's this?" Show them.

3.) Be elusive, never answer a woman directly, be unpredictable at times, if she says something like: "You seeing any other woman?" say "No..(pause)only men, and make it sound funny.

Just play along with it, stay in control, females are always testing you :) Give them something to remember. These steps are flawless.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 2:35 am 
Offline
Moderator

Joined: 17 Oct 2002
Posts: 3082
Location: New York
I'll add that David DeAngelo has been one of the more notable mentors among the various experts I've studied in this field and fields related. I recommend checking out his stuff if you're really looking to excel with these ideas.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 28 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

All times are UTC - 5 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2009 Penguin Magic, Inc.