just wanted to say this really thingy (how is the page now)?
thanks though for the advise!
I honestly can not say anything about grammar and english, I am a horrible English student. The one comment I would say is get rid of the video. It looks like it was put together last minute and just unprofessional. I would also recommend getting rid of the I will be working at one of these two places when I turn 16. For legal reasons you can only say you have the job or the job has been promised to you. You can not say that you will hopefully get the job. You also tend to repeat yourself a lot.
An example of this would be
I started Magic when I was 9 years old. I rented a book for my school library and I read it and started to do the trick it listed. As soon as I mastered one of the tricks I would go show everyone and then wanted to learn some more and show everyone what I could do.
Before this quote you write.
My name is Taylor, MagicTay and I am a Magician that lives in Houston. I came into magic when I was 9 reading a Magic book. I gotten that book because one of my friends tried to show me a trick from the book, but didn't go so well. After he returned it I checked it out and started to read it and try everything in there.
The last critique I have would be to get rid of this line
After I had mastered
one thing I would go show my parents to show off.
For the reason that when you say you have mastered something that comes across to many people that you will not mess up, and in my experience sooner or later you will mess up a trick. Just some suggestions.
PS. IBM Ring would be a good investment
PSS. I accept you apology.
Have a great day.[/b]