I need jokes about playing cards.

Anyone have any?

Thanks,

John

why was five afraid of six ? cause seven ate nine .... ok this one sucked

I already use that one,

ANYMORE?

When doing Jumpin Gemini, I ask "do you know why this called a four card trick?". I'm spreading the cards so that they can clearly see there are four cards. So they say, "because it uses four cards". I say "no" and turn over the bottom card to show the four of clubs, "because is uses a [four] card."

Not really a joke, I guess, but it gets a laugh.

The joke goes, why is 6 afraid of 7? because 7 ate 9....


or my favorite version of the joke



Why is six afraid of seven?








Because 7-11......

^^^ heh yeah i thought it didnt sound the way it should...

Just mess with them
Tell them to pick a card then tell them "No! not that one!"
Tell them to replace the card anywhere they want on the top of the deck
Doing stuff like that usualy makes them laugh

My personal favorite thing to do is to act very serious about them not letting me see a card, and then make a quick, obvious effort to get a peek at it (in a trick that doesnt require you dont know it of course) but most of my humor is that same kind of dry humor. sort of satirical stuff, mocking cliches, etc.

I actually use that joke with a force(normally right after I did a mentalism effect). I made this card that actually looks like 7 is eating 9 I force it to them and I just use some patter and they think I am going on and on about this joke and when I tell it to them they think it's stupid. Until they see the card is thinking the same way.

An older guy at the local meetings is a fan of a few realy bad punns.
When you do a trick that ends with all 4 jacks, you pull out a 5 and say "the Jackson 5"
or when you have a queen on the table you put a finger on it and drag it in a dirrection and say "heh... drag queen."
He's got a hundred of them, we mosly just ignore him anymore.

This deck is so old that I believe all of its hearts have had bypasses!

"After memorizing your card, place it in the middle of the deck. I said the middle because i find when i place it on top people hate the trick when i find your card..."

-Good line from Kevin King


"Now, not only have I caused your card to rise to the top of the deck, but i've also changed it to the (whatever top card is)"

-Amazing Jonathan


If you mess up or use a trick that requires you to look like your messing up....

"You stuck it in there too darn fast i wasnt ready!"

-Amazing Jonathan


Hope these help

If you get the chance to watch the Amazing Johnathan, he has a lot of good lines. One that I find particularly funny is he has a spectator pick a card. The spectator is told not to show the magician, but to show it to everyone else. The magician then takes that card, turns it over (so the face is facing him) and points to the back saying that there are no marks on the back in which he could use to tell what the card is.

One that I've seen Gazzo use in one of his live shows was "Okay, hold your card up and show it to the audience. Hold it up high! Now show them the back (as he pretends to peek)".

I sometimes keep a little plastic pile of dog poop in my pocket in case someone picks a jack, I take the card from them (palming the dog poop and placing the card on top of it, not letting them see it). I shake the jack and poop falls out from under the card and I say "...Ha, your jack [edited]". It's not insulting, but it sounds like one.

Another one of my favorite card jokes is to show a spread of the 4 queens and ask "Which one of these queens cant have kids?". No matter what theyre response, I hold up the queen of spades and say "This one, you know why? Because she is Spade (spayed, neutered, fixed...its a veterinary term)". It never fails to get a laugh.

Just my thoughts...
~Jonton