Me "want to know how I did that?"
Heckler "yep"
Me "can you keep a secret?"
Heckler "yep"
Me "well so can I"
or
you must have zacheri'es disease coz your bum looks zacherie like your face.

If its a man: thats a nice shirt....do they make em for men?

Heckler "you stink"
Me " must be your upper lip" or " you musta yawned"


Me " your so ugly that when you played in the sandpit when you were young, the cat would try and bury you"

Me " when you were born they slapped your mother"

P.S the best way to deal with hecklers is to ignore them, insults are a last resort, but its always good to have some good ones in the barrel ready for anybody that wants to be difficult, also do a really good trick that you know they can't possibly figure out, that ussually shuts em up.
I was doing disappearing silk one day and this guy was yelling out I got a TT, so I took out my stripper deck out, did the one where they pick a red and black then you seperate the deck into red and black suits with the selections in the opposite coloured piles, then I grabbed my thumbs and pulled them and said geeze no TT how did I do that? He was gobsmacked enough to leave me in peace for the rest of my performance.

Sometimes if you antagonize a heckler too hard or too much they'll continue out of personal spite. I remember one of my very first experiences dealing with a heckler...it seemed the harder I tried to put him down the more he heckled...after a while he started to get to me and the audience could tell. Soon even my best come backs fell flat like a worn out joke...so now I just say, "Oh, yeah?"

Magician: "Yo mister, do you like sex? Do you like to travel?" (brief pause) "Then go take a !@#$ hike."[/quote]

Heckler: (Annoying comment)

You: Why dont you take out that condom from your wallet that youve been keeping since you were 16, stretch put it on your face, well hey if your going act like a d!ck face then you may as well dress the part.

Or heres one that doesnt really make any sense:

Dont Heckle me bi**!

Long time ago when the earth was green there were more rock concerts than you've ever seen. At one,dance hall one of the toughest dudes in rock music was wailing Boom Boom. Suddenly he saw his bass player's face go white..the bassist pointed at the lead singer's thigh where a huge hunting knife was buried. This singer had committed the cardinal sin on the road..he had looked a little long at a girl in the audience.
The next night at a different gig a gang of toughs threw the band's electric piano over a bridge.
Young dudes..be careful who you call out..you don't have a band behind you with mike stands to swing..you don't have roadies who can toss bodies. In a earlier post some fellows teased the copper(said with respect) from the UK.
He knows about bad people..he is a realist who had had to stand guard while the hobbits have tea at three. As the sergeant says to every shift heading out..be careful!. ron0

This is based on a part from the book True Talents by David Lubar (in the book a comedian used it but it could also apply to magic):

Heckler: You're not funny.

You: You don't smell... wait... we're both wrong.