Anyone got any rope jokes?

yes, but they aren't rated PG. Sorry I can't repeat them here

If your using a frayed piece of rope:

(Tommy Cooper)

DW

"I got a rope..."

This gets a laugh. Especially when the rope was substituted for a belt in my very loose pants when I remove the rope. I don't see what's so funny...

Fiber Optics is a great source for humour with ropes not to say a great routine, I strongly reccommend it. As for jokes that I use they include:
1) Yes this is actually real rope, it's not fake!
2) (among magicians) I asked santa for invisible string so I could do levitations and look what I got! (pull out thick white rope)

Hope this helps!

I use this joke with Cut and Restored Ropes, most often at a a more "adult" show. I cut the rope into 2 pieces, and while I'm telling the joke, I tie a knot in the middle. And it goes something like this --

Two pieces of rope walk into a restaurant and ask for a table for two. The hostess points to a sign on the wall that says, "No Ropes Allowed" and tells them, "Can't you read? We don't allow ropes at this establishment." So they go back outside to figure out what to do, because they really want to eat there. So they decide to tie themselves together in the middle (I tie the knot) and split themselves at the ends a bit. Then, they walk back into the restaurant, and the waitress says, "Aren't you the ropes that tried to come in here earlier?" To which they respond, "No, I'm a frayed knot." (afraid not ...)

A real groaner, but fits well with the routine.

(I heard this joke from a friend. Wasn't associated with magic at the time, but I thought it fit rather well.)

Say for cut and restored rope

1. ok I got the sckisoors, i call them sckisoors cuz i cant pernounce sissors
2. cut the white not the pink.

lol
darwin says these

From Daryl's Fooler Doolers Vol. 1:

"This is just an ordinary piece of rope - the kind that can be purchased at any good magic stor-- OOPS, did I just say that out loud?"

If this is for a cut and restored rope trick, you could begin by doubling the rope over so you have the two ends poking out of your fist. Ask a spectator where the ends of the rope are. They'll point to them. Then, cut them off (just a small piece off each end). Now ask where the ends of the rope are again. You can now have an amusing argument with your spectator about where the ends of the rope really are - on the floor or on the end of the rope.

Ive once tied the rope around my neck and said "what am i?" duhhh im dope on a rope.
got a few laughs tho after the show people said they thought i was about to hang myself to which i replied "why did my show seem that bad huh?"

Whenever I take out my rope I always say "and now for some rope effects- don't worry, nobody's going to get tied up! Unless that turns you on..."
This always gets a laugh, sometimes I drop the last sentence depending on the crowd- "unless that turns you on..."

Following on from that, if someone is tying your hands behind your back you can say "Wow, it looks like you've done this before!"