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 Post subject: One-liners, heckler stoppers etc.
PostPosted: Thu Mar 24, 2005 6:12 pm 
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born to perform.

Joined: 13 Nov 2004
Posts: 526
Location: Not too Shabby, California
I was browsing through this section, and I decided to make a word document that had all these one-liners etc.(for future reference) And the list kept expanding and expanding. So I decided to post it here so it can save alot of people precuis time looking through this section.
This doc. contains almost all the things I found here.

(note: I can't upload the file here, and I couldn't upload it on my site for some reason)

One-liners, heckler stoppers, etc.

For Hecklers:
1- Look I've got only 30 minutes to make a fool of myself, you have the
rest of your life.
2- I thought alcoholics were suppose to be anonymous!
3- Now you know why cousins shouldn't marry.
4- Nice to see you again sir, I'm glad to see you wearing men's clothing
this time.
5- Aren't you suppose to be out front parking cars?
6- Just stay seated in the chair please, we'll plug it in later.
7- Why don't you lean against the wall, it's plastered too!
8- Here's a home remedy, Go home! That'll make me feel better!
9:For a funeral:" Isn’t that your brother in that casket?"
10:Oh, you saw that. Good. Watch this hand (raise left hand) while I close it (do so) and shake it a bit. Now watch it carefully as I slap you in the face with the other one (slap the heckler).
11:"Don't tell me how to do my job! Do I come you your job and tell you how to sweep up?/flip burgers?/clean toilets?"
12:If a spectator is heckling it isn't that something is wrong with the spectator....
it's that you need better crowd control...
The above advice, while funny, would lose the support of the rest of the crowd.
When somebody starts getting out of hand, I try to deal with them positively, but give some hints that convince his/her friends to calm him down.
13:I had one guy who went on and on once though... he said 'I know that's impossible, you had to have done something' (really specific, huh)
and I started talking about movies... (I use movies in my patter a lot) and I ask if anybody saw the movie (ANY MOVIE HERE)
and I mention the scene where the hero dies as I'm shuffling. Then I put the deck down, and remark, "but you know what makes me angry, I just saw (ACTOR NAME) on TV yesterday. He wasn't even bruised....
I can't believe they tried to deceive me like that...[melodramatically] He didn't really die!!!
I am looking straight at the guy as I finish the last sentence.
he got the point,.
14:For stage: When somebody starts to “heckle” laugh at his funny comment (If he says one) Laugh way over the top then secretly produce a squirt gun and give him 3 squirts.
15:You’ve just finished the trick, “I know how it works, just let me see the deck.” “But if you already know the secret then why do you have to see the deck?” “Just let me see it” “I thought you knew the secret” “I do, just let me see the deck” Casually make a deck switch while this is going on.
Mistake Lines:
1::Well if it was that easy anyone could do it"
2:"Its that the first time that’s every happened, I swear"
3:"It doesn’t look as bad from my side"
4:"darn, I knew I should have sacrificed that duck before the show"
5:look them right in the eye as if this makes perfect sense with what your doing and say, "Did you know the alphabet has 26 letters in it? Anyway moving on" or "I have 2 ducks that mate with each other. Anyway moving on"
6:If it's a dropped deck of cards, say "Was that you're card?"
1:"At no point during this trick will my fingers leave my hands."
2:Say with a smile, "I have no idea how I did that." (In an amazed voice)
3:When they ask you how you did that, “I think I did it very well”
Or: That’s a good question, and move onto the next trick.
4:”You know!, edited, I don’t know!!”
5:How’d you do that? “Do what? because I don’t know, I wasn’t watching.”
6:Spectator "how'd u do that?"
Magician "can you keep a secret?"
Spectator "YES!"
Magician "so can I"

Do it with my pen! (for misled etc.)
1:Spec.: do it with my pen!

solution: you say either:

that's impossible for me to do, but I’m sure a female in the audience could do it with your pen!

or a cleaner version:

I cant do that. I’m saving myself for marriage
Good for those perverted audiences. 0_o
2:Take their pen and try to do the trick, but stab a huge hole right through it and say, “Whoops”
3:Buy Dough! By Jay Sankey
4:Stab their bill, then do a bill switch.
Sometimes people might say this before saying what the secret is. After they say OMG! Just say, ”No, it’s (your name)
Or: (As Gregory Wilson puts it)
“Yes, but with a small G”
Can you levitate?
2: I’ve been able to do it once, but I really got messed up from it and I can’t do it again.
3:A gag:" Can you float like that guy on TV?" Say, "No. But I can make other people float all the way up to my eye level. Its not much but it works. Do you want to see?" Tell him to stand next to you on your right side. The put your arm out to the side and touch his shoulder. Close your eyes and pretend to concentrate deeply. Still with your hand on his shoulder, slowly bend your knees. Open your eyes and look at him. Say, "See! Your way above my head!!"
Hey, do a trick!
1:Some comments to make are:

"Sure, but can't you see we are doing something?" in a stern voice

or some other way to point out that magic is a more of a job...

- "Ok, as soon as you work at your job for me."


- "Lucky I'm not a exotic dancer."

Note: only for friends
2:You are not a machine that works on command. They might be your friends, but that doesn't mean you have to perform for them every time they insist on you doing so. Just say "I don't feel like it....can't we just hang out?" If they still insist after that...maybe it's time to find friends who really care about how you feel and what YOU want to do.

3:Pizza trick: For this trick, I need an ordinary pizza..


And a two liter of coke.
Oh.. don't have that? Hmm. Well, way I see it, we have two choices.. you can buy it for me.. or no trick.

(This is to my friends only.. they are usually laughing by that point)
“There are 2 cards“:
1:Practice, Practice, Practice
2:Stand back a little further so they can’t see the cards as well.
3:Try using a different deck that hides bad double lifts better. (Bee decks)
4:Say:”Huh, the cards got stuck together” Then just move on to another trick if you like.
5: If they say "You have 2 cards" or something, just say "No, its 52." and then go on. I generally like this one because it makes them look stupid.
False shuffle mess up:
This appears to be the ONLY way out of this:
spectator picks a card then you mess up the false shuffle, say, “Pick another card, because I’m all picky like that”

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Mar 24, 2005 6:37 pm 
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born to perform.

Joined: 13 Jul 2003
Posts: 1034
Location: Copperfield's warehouse...or Alakazam
Thanks :)


 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Mar 24, 2005 7:52 pm 
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born to perform.

Joined: 12 Feb 2005
Posts: 737
Location: Coolville,!
Ya nice job!

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Mar 29, 2005 11:07 am 
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Team Penguin

Joined: 04 Feb 2005
Posts: 1854
Location: Georgia
when I accidentally drop cards, I like to say

"Ladies and Gentlemen, it's a floor show"


"Well Folks, it appears that the laws of gravity have not been defied...which is a wonderful thing to be asure of!"

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Mar 29, 2005 3:36 pm 
User avatar
born to perform.

Joined: 12 Sep 2002
Posts: 4472
Location: Brandon, FL
I don't think insulting the heckler is the best thing to do.

I would suggest telling them like it is...."listen, I don't have to perform for you......if you are not going to show me the respect that I deserve, then I'll just go somewhere else." In which case the rest of the crowd will most likely turn on him and he is guaranteed to shut up.

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 7:58 pm 

Joined: 22 Mar 2004
Posts: 10
Location: florida
nice compilization of replies, thanks :twisted:

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 12:02 am 
born to perform.

Joined: 21 Apr 2005
Posts: 929
Nice lines, but I must say that getting into a battle of wits never helps and you the performer never wins. Even if you "win" you just look childish. Take the high road, but a good line never hurts in the right situation.

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 10:38 pm 

Joined: 01 Aug 2005
Posts: 95
Location: Louisville, KY
"For my next trick, I need a volunteer and a condom!"

Big laughs if you happen to get stuck doing magic in a bar or strip joint.

 Post subject: Hecklers!
PostPosted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 10:23 am 
User avatar

Joined: 28 Jul 2004
Posts: 67
Location: United Kingdom
Nice job, I have never seen as many brilliant one-liners.
I'll definately use some of them, but others run the risk of being replied to with a fist :lol:

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Aug 28, 2005 7:37 pm 
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Joined: 29 Sep 2004
Posts: 308
Location: New Hampshire... Yes, it's in the U.S.A.
im sooo saving those thanks a lot that first one is awsome.

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