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 Post subject: 5 favorite one- liners
PostPosted: Sun Sep 21, 2008 12:48 pm 
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born to perform.

Joined: 27 Sep 2007
Posts: 957
Location: Waiting as a final load under a very large set of cups. It is dark......
What are your top 5 favorite one- liners?


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Oct 01, 2008 5:48 am 
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born to perform.

Joined: 22 Mar 2003
Posts: 3251
Location: of my spongeballs eludes me.
Not the top 5 but;

Do you want to know what my favorite trick is?
Getting the bank to cash a check.

If your tricks are half as good as mine then I'm twice the trickster.

Be patient with me. They haven't learned to control the dosage.

Snowmen fall from the clouds unassembled.

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

The object of war isn't to die for your country but to cause the other guy die for his.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

Do you know the definition of a will. I'll tell you what, it is a dead give away.

If at first you don't succeed don't try skydiving.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Oct 01, 2008 11:41 pm 
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Penguin

Joined: 21 Jan 2007
Posts: 295
Location: California Posts: 537098
1) Spec: "Show me a trick!"

Me: "Whoa, what's that?!"

(spec turns around)

Me: "There, I tricked ya."

2) (after a trick) Thought that was good? Then you'll hate this.

3) I would tell you to pull the deck out of the box but alot of people think I'm talking about the SNL skit.

4) I can read you like a book.... too bad I'm illiterate.

5) ME: Check it out, your card is now inside my wallet!

SPEC: Really?

ME: Your credit card.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Oct 22, 2008 6:45 pm 
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Penguin

Joined: 02 Jan 2004
Posts: 62
Location: Aberystwyth, United kingdom
I have a few favourites that I use often. These are only meant to be offensive to the heckler!

Heckler: "You're Edited/That Trick Was Edited"

Response: You're so far in the closet you are having adventures in Narnia"
-----------

Heckler: i know how you did that

Response: So do I
-----------
Heckler: Tell me how you do that?

Response: Can you keep a secret?

Heckler: Yeah

Response: So Can I!

------------

If you enjoyed that I'm Magic Dave, if not I'm David Blaine

------------

I'd love to read your mind, except theres nothing in it...


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Oct 27, 2008 4:14 pm 
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Joined: 05 Jun 2007
Posts: 39
Location: Idaho
1. M: Whats your name sir?
S: Bob
M: Good memory Bob.

2: M: And whats your name maam?
S: Betty?
M: Exactly!

3. S:Whats in your hand/I know how you did that.
M: Don't jump ahead, stay with the group.

4. For Hecklers:
It's nice to see the audience voted you spokesperson, It's also nice that you can speak in complete sentences.

5. Cell Phone rings:
Get that it might be my agent. Just tell him he's not getting his ten percent tonight.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Oct 27, 2008 4:31 pm 
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born to perform.

Joined: 31 Jan 2008
Posts: 1495
Location: France - Chuckling at funny posts - In the CPC members base
I only use some of these if the time is right, you will also probably recognise some I've stole. :lol:

Me: Whats your proffesion, sir?
Them: (insert profession here)
Me: Oh okay, I'l slow down a bit then.

--

Me: Have I showed you the trick with the trash?
Them: No.
Me: Oh, it's rubbish.

--

Me: Nothing here (points to sleve), Nothing over here (points to sleve)... AND NOTHING HERE (points to brain).


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 Post subject: only puting ones up that comes to mind.
PostPosted: Thu Apr 23, 2009 7:42 pm 
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Penguin

Joined: 23 Apr 2009
Posts: 24
Location: Anywhere an audience is willing to pay
A very young kid was walking around in the area I was performing. I said,

"Don't mind him... it's a STAGE he is going through!":D





I was introduced to a boy and a girl. The girl's name was Emma. The boy's name was Chance. Without missing a beat I commented to the girl,

"Wow, Emma, my first time here and imagine my luck of meeting you BY CHANCE"

(what are the odds on a boy being named Chance? Don't know, but use it if you ever get the CHANCE!) :lol: :D


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Oct 01, 2009 9:09 pm 
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Joined: 21 Aug 2009
Posts: 51
It's like a paradox, like two docks.


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