Okay, step back.
Here is SMALL selection of moments of the awkward kind from many years ago when i worked restaurants.
And this is not including the large amounts of glasses that have been broken and wine on dresses.
A woman calls me over so i wander to her table and she says "Can i pick a card ?" to which i replied with a fan and said "Of course", it was at this point i noticed she was breastfeeding. In the middle of the restaurant. I did not know where to look.
While i do not particularly like performing for children there was an instance where there was a young man (probably about 10 years old) who looked rather bored and depressed so i approach the table where he and his family were sitting. I reach over to shake his hand as i introduce myself, "Hey there, i was wondering if you..." i was cut short by his sudden projectile vomit that shot across the table, wave after wave of stomach content.
My line "Would you like to see a card trick ?" turned into "Would you like to see ..... a physician ?"
His mother said 'sorry' and all i could think of to say was "That's okay, it would have been worse if he did it AFTER my act"
A man calls me over and i whip out my cards ready to go, he reaches into the pack and it is only then that i notice his date. She was bawling her eyes out, big time. Tears flowing uncontrollably.
"I will come back a little later" i said.
"NO, please ? I really want to see a card trick" was his response.
"But this lady is crying, how about i send a bottle of wine over for you, on me."
"No, she's okay, show her one as well"
So i showed him a quick thing and sent over some glasses of champagne.
I started to get the impression this guy was the sort of fellow who will hire a clown at the next funeral he arranges.
A man reaches into my fan of cards and plucks out a card perfectly, "Have a look at it and make sure you remember it"
His wife leans over and says
How on earth he reached out and picked a card i have no idea.
Working at a casino doing card magic, man purposefuly hits my deck and knocks cards all over the place, "52 pick up!!!!" he laughs.
I laugh too, then look over at security and they drag him out onto the street.
On a regular little tv segment thing i had, i got a beautiful lady from another show on and i perform the Paul Harris classic, "Fizz Master" (if you don't know what this is, you shake up a can of fizzy drink and make the fizz disappear so when you open it, nothing happens. You then open another can which you have not touched and it bursts with fizz.)
Unfortunately for the camera crew and her lovely dress, the trick works too well and they are all soaked to the skin.
"Cut" i said.
At the opening of a new bar, a man who had obviously had a little too much alcohol asks me for a trick. I start to perform "Ash through hand". I used to use flash paper to signal the magic but i look up and see he has a lit cigarette in his mouth. I thought it would be a good idea to light the paper directly from that, so i did. A big flash of flame and he opens his hand and sure enough, it is filled with ash, he is amazed. I look up at him and smile, pleased with his reaction then i notice something.
He had no eyebrows left. Thankfully due to being drunk, he didn't notice.
At a 21st birthday party i was hired to perform at, i brought the birthday girl some flowers (as i tend to do) and heard some girls say "Oh wow, that's so sweet".
For some reason, the night is going so well i can hardly believe it. I approach the bar to get an orange juice and three guys standing together started saying "**** you" and other various intelligently put together expletives.
They walk off obviously still annoyed and giving me sharp glares over their shoulder's. I must have looked a little insulted and worried, thinking i did something wrong because a man walked up to me and said "Don't worry, i heard them complaining about you", i asked 'why' and he said "Because every girl at the table was talking about you and ignoring them."
I had to avoid them for the rest of the night.
A pretty lady sitting at a table watches my magic and enthusiastically responds to the point i become suspicious. She gets up from her table and says "I want to show you something outside !" i follow her and as soon as we exit she plants a massive long kiss on me and gives me her number.
She sits back at her table and, feeling rather happy with myself, i get back to work. Then her HUSBAND walks in and sits with her.
And worst of all, he asked me to show him a trick.
Wedding reception in a classy establishment. I turn up, i do not know the face of the person who hired me so i just get to work figuring i would find him sooner or later. Half an hour in, i get a call, it is the man who hired me asking where i was.
I was performing for the wrong wedding reception in the wrong restaurant.
I could think of more but that will do for now.
Never seen you here before?
What part of Sydney do you reside in ?