I have a show coming up in 2 days and i need a good joke for me picking someone to pick a card by telling me when to stop during a riffle of a deck of cards. Please post as many as you can!

I don't understand why you need a joke to have someone pick a card, also why don't you have your patter worked out before you started taking jobs?

Tell them the Truth....Just Say:

" I usually like to spice up my magic with a bit of humor, but I'm quite ill-prepared today. So, if you all wouldn't mind, please log onto the discussion board at Penguinmagic.com for jokes pertaining to this next trick."


I had to get that out.


You could say something like:

I usually have my beautiful assistant help me with this one, but I accidentally vanished her last week.

I need someone with extraordinary dexterity and cat-like reflexes to assist me with this next trick.

For this next next trick, I'll need someone with FINGERS to step forward... Only people with fingers please......

Whose the guy I gave $10 bucks to earlier?? You, yeah you....you remember what to do now, right?

Just tell me NICELY when to stop at your card....You don't have to yell at me...you look like the kind of a$$ hole who likes to scream

The last time I did this trick, I did it for my Mom, and she screwed it all up....You don't know my Mom do you?

You Sir! The man in the back picking his nose, bring that magical finger up here...lets put it to some good use.

I need a woman with long fingers..... and no wedding rings or engagement rings.....and who might be free next Saturday night......

Or my favorite....."Anyone wanna help with this next trick?"

I dunno.. I'm just spitballin'

tell em, "if you dont pick a card, I'll have to cut you up with an old dull axe that I keep in my woodshed, oh and if you dont pick the right card, lets just say a gun will be part of my act."

you took my line!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



what you do is, do the riffle shuffle really fast, telling them to tell you when to stop. you come to the end of the pack and they havent told you to stop, say "lets be a little faster next time." then do it again, same speed(really fast) so that he doesnt have time to say stop, then say, "we a little slow today?". then do it fast again, and this time say "ok can i get someone up here who doesnt have down syndrome". ok leave that part out, but you get the idea, just have some fun with them, but dont make fun of them like with the down syndrome, that was a joke.

Those were the best lines I've EVER HEARD HAHAHAHAHAHA
DUDE YOU ARE AWSOME LMAO