2) Now, see, this is what magicians call "Misdirection". While I'm in here messing up this trick, my assistant is sneaking an elephant into the next room. Go ahead, check! *Runs away*
I like this one. Pretty funny. But I heard this one on this forum,
If you drop cards: "Hmm, I guess that they dont feel like performing today"
Heh, that one's prety funny too. Here's some more:
1) How many people have never seen me before? Okay, now how many people are seeing me for the first time? 2) So, where are you from? "New Jersey." Im sorry? "New Jersey." No, I heard you, I'm just sorry. 3) This trick can be done by any 10 year old with 15 years of practice. 4) One time I accidentally cut off a boy's ear. I said sorry, but I don't think he heard me.
When hecklers are acting up:
1) Yeah, I remember when I had my first beer... 2) Don't put me down! We're made from the same mold. Well, actually, you're a lot moldier that I am. 3) You're a saint...a Saint Bernard.