The best time to execute a difficult sleight or move is when your audience is laughing. That way they won't be focused intently on your hands and such. If they were, you probably wouldn't want to do magic for them anyway. Here are some phrases that I've found helpful:

For mentalism:

-"Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film."

-"How many of you believe in telekenesis? Raise my hand." (slowly lift up your arm with a horrified look on your face)

-"You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!"

Hecklers:

Heckler: Just tell me how you did it. Come on...
Magician: Can you keep a secret? Good, so can I!

Heckler: I know how you did that!
Magician: Man, if I lost a dollar for every time they were wrong, I'd be performing for my pet gerbil under a bridge somehwere...

General:

-"Multitasking means screwing up several things at once."

-"Support you're right to bare arms!"
(roll up your sleeves if you can as you say this)

-"I dont suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it!"

- (after rubbing your hands together or something similar) "I hate friction. It's such a drag."

-(In your best Arnold voice)"Before this vanished it said one last thing to me: I'll be back" (works best if you can make the object reappear.)

-"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men..."

-(Best post-pickpocketing line) "I've got what it takes to take what you've got."

-"You guys wanna see a trick or a miracle? What do I look like, Moses? The only thing I can divide in half is this (use with a multiplying objects routine)

Like I said before, if you have to grab something out of your pocket, or do a switch, or any other sleight, what better time to do it then when someone is throwing their head back in laughter? Plus, it takes a little pressure off of Mr. Miracle, ya know? I hope these will help you, just as all these forums have helped me. Good luck with all of your performances !

-Steve

LOLLLLLLLLL love it im totally gonna use some of these... i love the one ur just jealous cause the voices talk to me.. and the one about I KNOW HOW u did that lol

nice first post. welcome!

thank you. i recently bought some stuff from penguin and im discovering what a great site it is! I think its the best, way better than E or anywhere else.

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!dude those are the BEST

Wow, that was my first post ever on this site. Now that I look back on it, some of those lines in "general" suck.

thanks ninjadude.

Lol! "Anyone who believes in telekinesis, raise my hand." Those are some good lines!

Here's some more for ya:

You know, when I was younger, I wanted to be a comedian. But, I was really afraid everyone would laugh at me.

One mind-reader said to the other, "You're fine, how am I?"

You can add them if you want.

-PJHMarine

Those were great, and a good post to bump up. Don't know how I missed that Steve. I also noticed that you are a post pimp .......geez, how many of your posts are like:

LOL

I agree!

Or YEAH!

Now THAT'S funny..................

I'm laughing right now, no, really, I am.

Really hard, too.

I like him, but that boy's just not right !

great lines

I use these from time to time

Names-
Bob- Is that spelled with one "o" or two
lisa- Are you a moaner? lisa

random

to a asain heckler
Go Wok your dog

Hecklers

Remember how lincoln got it

Hey hey let me do my job... I don't come to mcdonalds and knock the mop of your hands. (or i don't come to your job and knock the [edited] out of your mouth)

If you want to be on the spot why don't we switch places.. Pause.... you come up here and be the magician and i go down there and be the ashole

Jokes
What is six inches long,has a head and women love to blow it? Money

From me to you
I like to pratice my magic like the way you have sex.... Alone

sorry but that is perverted