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 Post subject: History of magic essay
PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 11:46 pm 
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enjoy, there were photos, but i dont knwo how to do that, enjoy, hope you learn




*History
Of
Magic

By Jack Johnson







I dedicate this report
To My awesome blossom
Mom, Dad, And the
dwarflings, Gracie, and Charlie.



































When a common person hears the word “Magic,â€


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Apr 22, 2007 12:04 am 
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Wow. The essay had a bunch of information crammed into it, but it lacked several things. First, you should always reread your essays just to make sure that they don't have any spelling or grammer issues... I spotted several with yours. Second, it didn't flow at all. You would jump from thing to thing, and at times it didn't make any sense... like when you talked about the Adult Swim show... we want to read about magic, not some stupid show on T.V. Try and correct all the errors, and give it a little more "flow" if you know what I mean. Also, I would suggest taking out all the crap that didn't have anything to do with magic... such as the Adult Swim show. Also, you yourself said you didn't consider juggling to be a form of magic, and yet you included it in your magic essay. Very informative, but it needs a lot of work.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 22, 2007 12:13 am 
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adjones wrote:
Wow. The essay had a bunch of information crammed into it, but it lacked several things. First, you should always reread your essays just to make sure that they don't have any spelling or grammer issues... I spotted several with yours. Second, it didn't flow at all. You would jump from thing to thing, and at times it didn't make any sense... like when you talked about the Adult Swim show... we want to read about magic, not some stupid show on T.V. Try and correct all the errors, and give it a little more "flow" if you know what I mean. Also, I would suggest taking out all the crap that didn't have anything to do with magic... such as the Adult Swim show. Also, you yourself said you didn't consider juggling to be a form of magic, and yet you included it in your magic essay. Very informative, but it needs a lot of work.


ya it is for skool and this is my first draft, i have to do redo it 3 more times


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 22, 2007 12:21 am 
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Looks good so far. I hope one of the rewrites is for spelling. :wink:


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Apr 22, 2007 12:23 am 
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theMagicmaker wrote:
adjones wrote:
Wow. The essay had a bunch of information crammed into it, but it lacked several things. First, you should always reread your essays just to make sure that they don't have any spelling or grammer issues... I spotted several with yours. Second, it didn't flow at all. You would jump from thing to thing, and at times it didn't make any sense... like when you talked about the Adult Swim show... we want to read about magic, not some stupid show on T.V. Try and correct all the errors, and give it a little more "flow" if you know what I mean. Also, I would suggest taking out all the crap that didn't have anything to do with magic... such as the Adult Swim show. Also, you yourself said you didn't consider juggling to be a form of magic, and yet you included it in your magic essay. Very informative, but it needs a lot of work.


ya it is for skool and this is my first draft, i have to do redo it 3 more times


Can you edit your post as you rewrite it so we can see it's progress? I think it has the potential to be a great essay, it just needs some "tuning up".


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Apr 22, 2007 12:29 am 
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adjones wrote:
theMagicmaker wrote:
adjones wrote:
Wow. The essay had a bunch of information crammed into it, but it lacked several things. First, you should always reread your essays just to make sure that they don't have any spelling or grammer issues... I spotted several with yours. Second, it didn't flow at all. You would jump from thing to thing, and at times it didn't make any sense... like when you talked about the Adult Swim show... we want to read about magic, not some stupid show on T.V. Try and correct all the errors, and give it a little more "flow" if you know what I mean. Also, I would suggest taking out all the crap that didn't have anything to do with magic... such as the Adult Swim show. Also, you yourself said you didn't consider juggling to be a form of magic, and yet you included it in your magic essay. Very informative, but it needs a lot of work.


ya it is for skool and this is my first draft, i have to do redo it 3 more times


Can you edit your post as you rewrite it so we can see it's progress? I think it has the potential to be a great essay, it just needs some "tuning up".


ya great idea, ill do that


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